Just like Paradise

Here in America, we take our retail very seriously.

The red carpet approach to the retail experience is where all of the paparazzi gather, hoping for a glimpse into the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

The limousines roll up, one by one, to deliver their loads of the Elite directly to the front door at WallyWorld.

The lovely ladies in their gorgeous ensembles and their handsome husbands in full tuxedo; the true joy of the American Retail Experience.

And their adorable children, each accompanied by their Von Trapp family Governess. Note how cultured and mannered and well-behaved all of the children are. Outstanding young examples of America’s Bright Future.

But all of the action isn’t at the entrance, oh no. Inside is the majesty and wonder of the most elite products of the fashion industry. Well-known designer labels, unique creations, models walking the runways proudly displaying this year’s colors and cuts in sizes up to 48XXXL (fondly known as “circus tent”).

And again, manners and culture are the order of the day. Note the cleanliness of the store, and the happy, well-mannered people politely waiting in checkout lines. The young gentlemen, eagerly waiting to scoop up a fallen kerchief and deliver it to a blushing young lady with a complimentary rose.

The smiling grandmothers, dispensing anecdotes of a lifetime’s collected wisdom to their descendants.

The local motorcycle enthusiast club, in their colorful local garb!

Note the wide aisles, perfect for the stately progression of electric “handcapped” carts. There will rarely be an actual handicapped person using one, of course–they were only too happy to give up their carts so that the “circus tent” shoppers can relax and motor about in the height of corpulent style.

Yes, with joyous wonderlands such as these in which to spend our weekends, it’s a surprise that anyone can pry themselves away and go back to work on Monday!

I’d love to spend all of my time here in WallyWorld. How could anything be finer?

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Write a piece about a typically “local” experience from where you come from as though it’s an entry in a travel guide.

“This must be just like living in Paradise
And I don’t want to go home.”