Durned Gummint Men

“I want to introduce you to someone,” said Sweet Polly. “This is Commander Bonecrusher. Boney, this is Tiktik Bird. He’s new this year.”

Tiktik whined his way down to the ground with a grind and click, and swept one wing grandly before him in a bow. “Tik how do you do tik?” he greeted.

“A pleasure, I’m sure,” agreed the Commander. He extended one armored power-gauntlet to shake, but examined his counterpart’s delicate wing structure and settled for a respectful nod. “Polly, you look lovely. Is that a new dress?”

Sweet Polly combed fingers through her red licorice hair and brushed a crumb from the gingerbread dress. “What, this old thing?” Of course, a light tint of pink crept into her pearly white frosting.

“Where is Atomic Racer?”

“He couldn’t make it.” Polly’s face quickly re-paled and she murmured, “Poor quarterly sales.”

“Tik only three this year tik.”

“Well,” Polly brightened, “Guess we’d better get checked in.”

Over the reception desk hung a “21st Annual Los Angeles International Toy Expo” banner. The lobby was crowded with vendors, dealers, and mobs of other toys all attending the convention.

Commander Bonecrusher leaned his patented ** Proton Cannon with Real Working Grenade Launcher™ ** against the counter and grinned at the reception clerk. “There should be three room reservations under PolyNamPlastiCo.”

The clerk swallowed and smiled weakly. “Yes sir. Let me just check on that for you.”

Tiktik Bird said, “Tik only one room, Mr. Nam is cheap tik.” Several loose gears tumbled onto Sweet Polly’s shoulder where he perched.

Bonecrusher only shook his head, “Typical civilian weenie.”

“Here we are then, one double room, please sign here,” the clerk said. “Take the elevator to the sixth floor, room six six six.”

“Well, that’s not very comforting,” Sweet Polly said.

The clerk leaned forward and spoke directly to Polly in a stage whisper, “Be very careful, and watch out for the Black Suits.”

The clerk resumed wearing his Professional Face, and passed the envelope of room keys to the Commander.

“That was odd,” she said.

The three companions started making their way, very slowly, through the packed and noisy lobby to the elevator.

“I could lay down some frag grenades, just to clear the way.”

“Tik behave, Commander. We are guests here tik.”

Polly was looking around quietly for anyone in a black suit, but didn’t see anyone who looked particularly sinister in the crowd.

“Here’s the elevator.”

On the sixth floor, the primary hall receded to the perspective’s vanishing point.

“Bigger than expected. Is that good, or bad?”

“I will recon,” Bonecrusher dove for the floor, and crawled forward on his belly, Proton Cannon™ at the ready.

“Tik oh please tik.”

The clockwork bird fluttered on ahead. At the sixth cross-corridor, the party turned, and paused before the sixth door. Number 216.

“Tik here we are tik.”

“Didn’t the clerk say six six six?”

“Tik yes indeed. The sixth floor, sixth corridor, and sixth door—and one of the room numbers I was expecting tik.”

Sweet Polly only looked more confused.

“Tik it was most likely to be 18, 216, or 1.0314E+28. Of course, there are other numbers with lower probabilities tik.”

“Like 666, maybe?” Polly rolled her eyes sweetly.

“Whatever, math nerd,” exclaimed the Commander, muscling his way to the front and swiping the keycard.

The door opened into a standard hotel room, except for the four men in Dark Suits. Who were decidedly not standard.

“We’re with the Consumer Product Safety Commission, and we have a few little concerns to discuss. For example, the Commander’s very real explosives, Tiktik Bird’s many tiny swallowing hazards, and Sweet Polly’s lead oxide frosting. Please, step inside, all of you.”

parkinkspot sq logo

610 words. Inspired by this week’s Finish That Thought (3-15) prompt and special challenge.

Note: I didn’t make the deadline. I’m only truly creative in the stupid-early hours of the morning, and that’s my excuse, missed it this week. So I didn’t bother to carve and edit it down to the required 500 words.

Had fun anyway, hope you enjoy.







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