Somebody Needs a Tic Tac

“Your breath could gag buzzards.”

Just what you need to hear first thing in the morning, right? This is a delicate part of the dance of marriage. It is indecorous and suicidal to counter with “rats have nested in your hair.” Because toxic exhalations can be injurious to the other party, morning breath is always fair game. Under the “promotion of domestic tranquility” clause in the contract, it’s covered.

Hollywood never gets that right.

Trained by years in the harness, I stumble into the bathroom for some modern oral hygiene methodology.

Reaching for my toothbrush, I freeze. My skin is roughening, drying out before my eyes. When I feel it, it’s hard. There are armor-thick patches forming and fissures between the… Scales?

I gaze at my reflection with growing horror. My skin is darkening and tinted greenish. With every passing moment, it grows thicker, harder, and I look more crocodilian.

Dryness is scratching at my throat, and I cough once. A wave of greenish fire envelops the toothbrush in my clawed hand, and the brush melts into liquefied plastic slag.

My morning breath may actually be atomic. If I grow 98 meters taller, I think Tokyo is in serious trouble.

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199 words. Inspired by this week’s Sunday Photo Fiction prompt:

So yeah, this was a brilliant film…not.




22 thoughts on “Somebody Needs a Tic Tac”

    1. Heh, maybe a little racist of me to jump from Japanese writing directly to Godzilla, but I watched a Toho flick just yesterday.

      Even worse (eek), what if they’re Chinese?! Korean?! Oh dear.

      1. Aha! We expected someone who actually knew would show up, sooner or later.

        Good, while Godzilla is stomping Tokyo, we can make our getaway!

  1. Well, I like this.
    I think it is well developed and funny.
    And I recognise this marriage thing you mention.
    I tried it once.
    My wife didn’t like it.

  2. Oh wow, I loved this. So creative. A dragon from ‘dragons breathe.’ I guess dragons are not extinct after all. We only need have breath that bad. Great writing!

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