The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley

I hop out of bed, grab my new InfiniteCheckbook™ and jump in the car; this is going to be a busy, busy day.

• The first place I need to go is to the local IRS office. I have some taxes to pre-pay, lest my extravagance lands me in prison. And since InfiniteCheckbook™ only lasts for twenty-four hours, I’d best take care of the Feds right up front. It’s irksome that InfiniteCheckbook™ funds aren’t tax-free, but apparently that’s not in the terms of service. I’ve re-read them dozens of times; cover-you-butt must come first when you’re dealing with Federal jail terms.
• Lawyer’s office next; I will need several lawyerbots with me when we…
• Head to the bank: I have some trust funds to set up. My folks and my son will be taken care of, and a nice big fat trust fund set up for me and Annie (for tomorrow and the day after and the day after that…something about the size of the Bill Gates Foundation should just about cover it.) Wait, why is this IRS vulture following me now?
• Bodyguards. Going to need some private GI-Joe Cops. And some security systems…
• Now I suppose I should start purchasing Stuff™, but I’m already totally exhausted. Are our future needs covered? OK then, Stuff™ can wait ‘til tomorrow, right?

Starting to see the issue here? More money just creates more problems, and a LOT more money…well, I just may give most of this back. I don’t think I’m really cut out for the Warren Buffet lifestyle.

I mean, I’ve just spent the majority of the day on trivia, and it’s made me miserable (dealing with red tape and lawyer nonsense and bureaucracy). How many forms have I had to sign already in my short little “paradise” day? How many phone calls will I be receiving as a result? Oh lord, the telemarketers, as soon as they hear about this…oh no no no no, aieeeeee!

And how the hell will I shake off this IRS vulture and eager investment bankers that are now following me everywhere?

Annie, is it ok if we do without quite so much Stuff™?

Far from the solution to all our problems that it first appears to be, it sounds a lot more like Dante:

I am the way into the city of woe,
I am the way to a forsaken people,
I am the way into eternal sorrow.

Sacred justice moved my architect.
I was raised here by divine omnipotence,
primordial love and ultimate intellect.

Only those elements time cannot wear
were made before me, and beyond time I stand.
Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

Could we maybe have just a nice slow and easy trickle of Stuff, instead?

Now I’m frightened

You’re given unlimited funds to plan one day full of any and all luxuries you normally can’t afford. Tell us about your extravagant day with as much detail as possible.

Advertisement