Tag Archives: Whining

Is caffeine really a Muse?

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” — Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

When was the last time that sentence accurately described your life?

This morning.

You see, the Daily Prompt can be the best of times. “Ooh, that triggered something I really, really want to write about.” And the words roll out and onto the screen without effort.

And it can be the worst of times. “Ugh, argh, I don’t want to write about that at all. What the hell am I going to post about today? Is this the one the breaks the ‘streak’?”

But usually (always, so far) after I sit and think for a while, I come up with some glimmer of the tiniest notion of an idea. Manic, I reach for the keyboard eagerly.

Not a very interesting glimmer, though (I tell myself) and then the gloomy-gus part of this roller coaster cycle sets it again.

Do all writers go through this sort of thing?

Ooh yeah, there’s an idea…but yuck, it isn’t a very good idea.

Its a symptom of a general lack of confidence, I suppose. I feel much better writing when I can see an angle, or a hook, or something concrete to work with.

Come sit in my lap, Thalia, and inspire me. Or even you, Melpomene.

Most mornings, I’ll accept a visit from any of you fine Muses. Even Caffeinenme, the Muse of Awakening, bless you.

RecDave Seal

Yoda says, “Stop whining, you should.”

Passion Q3

  1. Dreams Come True

 What will you do when you’ve found your passion?

Enjoy it. My ‘dream’ passion is something I can work at, without feeling drudgery. Something I can learn, without feeling the dread of ‘time to study’. Something that can engage my attention, captivate, inspire me to stay up all night doing it.

When I find my passion, I will finally…

Breathe a sigh of relief. It’s wonderful when those moments of a-ha epiphany come over you, is it really possible to feel that way all the time? A lot of the time?

When I’m living the life of my dreams, I will…

Be less doubtful and less stressed and much, much more positive.

I haven’t found my passion yet, so it’s okay for me to…

Continue looking, nibbling away at the ideas I already have, searching for ones I might not have thought of. Is there an “end”? Should there ever be?

Complacency has cost me in the past; perhaps the evolution and the search needs to be continuous. Or maybe the way I think about me has always been wrong.

 

Side note: last night I was reading up on Python (a computer language) and doing some writing about my earliest passion/love, good old horrible Benton Harbor BASIC. I did a little ‘remember when’ blogging, and really wanted to explore more Python this morning.

But when I woke up, I didn’t feel like doing that, downloading Python, any more. Fear, dread, what if I’m not good at it self-doubt? Or just laziness?

Don’t know. It’s after lunch. I could kill a little more time dorking around with writing for this hypothetical maybe-someday blog.

But I think I’ll go get started on it now, I need some sort of nudge.

 

Update:

After an hour, I’m feeling like a break. Could be from the stroke, could be from eyesight…but I’m feeling the aches and pains from the computer chair, and developing a headache (haven’t had a really bad headache for…a year?). At this point I would just rather read a book.

And my typing (never blazing-fast, even while working as a coder in the past) seems to have really, really deteriorated. Or maybe I’m just out of practice and noticing it more?

Or maybe I’m looking for excuses? I really do not know. Not ‘groking’ this, no discovery-joy pushing me on. Yet.

Am I just hoping for a miracle cure much too quickly?

Anyway, going to take a short break and read a little, watch some idiot box. See how I feel in an hour, my inner Fatalist is probably driving right now. I can’t do this, it’s too hard, we’re dooooooooommmed.

Shut up dude, it’s just an unfamiliar syntax, we’ve dealt with this before. The documentation is better-than-usual, really. But the ‘for Dummies’ books (and suchlike) are really, really out of date…so we’re on our own, stop whining Inner Fatalist. Grow a pair.

I’ll be back. When I figure out what I want to begin coding, as a first project, and dig into ‘how to make this happen’. As always, computers are best learned by doing, if you don’t know how, start fiddling with it until your figure everything out.

Note that despite the aches-and-pains whining, I’m still typing? What does that mean?

 

Fuggit, I’ll talk to Inner Fatalist in a bit.

A-ha! Discovered a few applicable tutorials, and boosted the font size in the shell GUI (more readable—> less headaches??) Back to hacking!

(Some hours later): Okay, this syntax is just different enough to trip over lots and lots of silly things, until I get used to [sillything] needing syntax {SillyThing} (Not an actual example, by the way—just that I still know how to code, no surprise, but I’m rusty and I will be tripping over syntax constantly until I get enough practice.

Now to figure out something worthwhile to code—and practice, practice, practice. Looks worth it, Python’s a powerful bugger.

 

Heh, I’ve still got a Fortran ’77 reference manual on the shelf. Fortran!!! 1977!!!

 

(And that’s the last of the “canned” blog text on this topic, future bloggins will be “live”).

Passion Q2

  1. End Goal

How will I know when I’m living a passionate life?

 I can only list some of the properties of happiness and inspiration. Not all of these things would be required as “stop, you’ve made it”, an end goal. It would be enough to be making progress toward that vaguely-painted (non-existent?) finish line. Some properties that would indicate progress:

  • Work that’s independent of place (or at least a happily short commute)
  • Work that inspires, creates a-ha moments—pleased to do more every day
  • Work that provides for my family—not wealth, but security and independence
  • Reduction of stress and worries
  • Increased inspiration and excitement
  • Life that feels smooth, rather than a continuous uphill climb.

Does listing things indicate a computer brain, or just terrible writing? Why would it matter if I write poorly, will anyone ever read this thing but me?

When I find my passion, my life will be…

More joyful in general, more independent, more easy-going, less prone to first-world worries.

When I find my passion, I will feel…

Deeply relieved and inspired for the future.

I will know I’ve found my passion when…

I can grab life and shake it, without knocking any sharp edges loose.

 

If you don’t know what you’re after, or where you’re going, chances are that you won’t end up where you want to be.

That’s certainly a worry here, as a lot of these questions are conceptual…and a lot of the answers somewhat vague. I only hope that more writing and thought produces more clarity, eventually. Is it odd that I don’t feel strong enough, as a writer, about expressing myself in these answers? I keep re-reading the text in the book, looking for clues (someone else’s answers)…wrong, wrong, feels wrong.

I’ll work on dealing more straight from the deck, in the future. Sorry, me.