Tag Archives: Winter

Ph33r meh

My wife still doesn’t believe it, but I can prove it. And one day, I will.

There is a causal effect shared by my car and the weather. My car has a great deal of power over the universe. I will explain.

The very act of driving my car in bad weather–will instantly cause hundreds of knuckle-draggers to climb into their cars and take to the road, solely to come drive in front of me on the highway.

It’s true! The stupidest people on the planet, invariably, choose the worst weather as the perfect time to drive on the same roads with me.

Or perhaps my car just emits an IQ-reduction field, in a frontal cone? More scientific testing is required in order to explain this phenomenon.

My car can actually make the weather worse!

The weather grows colder, the snowfall grows heavier, the wind blows harder—the closer my gas tank is to “E”. If I pull into the gas station running on fumes, a localized blizzard is sure to be happening.

It astonishes and befuddles weathermen. But I can worsen a winter storm, just by trying to get to work!

Coincidence, you say. Thou Doubting Thomases, you will learn to Fear my car’s Awesum Cosmic Powah.

Some day, I may drive to your place to visit.

Better have your snow shovels ready.

RecDave Seal

You can single-handedly create a causal relation between two things that are currently unconnected — a word and an emotion, a song and an extreme weather event, wearing a certain color and winning the lottery. What cause would you link to what effect, and why?

Don’t make me do it!

Mother Nature responds!

Yesterday, your pet/baby/inanimate object could read your post. Today, they can write back (thanks for the suggestion, lifelessons!). Write a post from their point of view (or just pick any non-verbal creature/object).

Uh oh. Winter called, she has some comments about that trolling you did yesterday.

I talked to my wife for just a few moments this morning about this assignment. “I don’t really have a point of view for Winter”. She responded “Easy! What did that guy say, Mother Nature is a Bitch.”

‘That guy’, near as I can figure, is Dr. Andrew Fassbach (Elyes Gabel, World War Z):

Mother Nature is a serial killer. No one’s better. Or more creative. Like all serial killers, she can’t help the urge to want to get caught. What good are all those brilliant crimes if no one takes the credit? So she leaves crumbs. Now the hard part, why you spend a decade in school, is seeing the crumbs. But the clue’s there. Sometimes the thing you thought was the most brutal aspect of the virus, turns out to be the chink in its armor. And she loves disguising her weaknesses as strengths. She’s a bitch.

Kind of chillingly prophetic, given the current Ebola scare…ain’t it?

Anyway, good old chilly, bitchy Mother Nature takes her swings in today’s post. Keep your heads down, this could get ugly.

Continue reading Mother Nature responds!

Winter, you suck.

Here it comes again, six months of grey, cold, wet, shovels, ice, accidents, commercialism, religious competition and general buffoonery. No sunlight, no break in the cloud cover, just grey gray grae until May.

Can’t get anywhere in a reasonable time, can’t commute safely, can’t stand the insincere “Happy Holidays!” from the happy happy sales clerks.

Can’t purchase anything without muscling your way through noisy, smelly crowds of humanity, and fighting for those precious few parking spaces miles from the store (in a snow drift).

Can’t get the damn car to even start, because it plunged deep into sub-zero last night. Can’t get your packages delivered on time (because the Delivery Vans also can’t get anywhere). Doesn’t matter, you’re plowed in anyway.

The Television Professional Plastic People glee at every parade and event, with their pristine polished enthusiasm. Let’s start the advertising blitz a month earlier this year, everybody loves ads! Shill it, shill it, media hoes! Ho ho hoes.

The glass is half full or half empty. My friend Bob likes winter. My friend Bob needs psychiatric examination.

I mean, come on, the guy is a cat-warmer!

I’ll be over here Grinch-ing and Humbug-ing. Let me know when it’s a civilized month again. July, maybe.

RecDave Seal

Yes, I swear at weather